本帖最后由 燕果 于 2012-12-26 05:49 编辑
回复 3651# aliliya
看到了你的留言后在网络上努力地找， 找到了一个博客，里面的故事和我记忆的似乎不是同一个故事，或者是一个故事但我和别的故事记忆混了，但讲的主题很类似，也是关于拥抱的，里面也有一位的传统教育的智者，而且故事比我上面讲的更精彩。看了一遍又感动了一遍，把自家的孩子又抱了一遍。
这个博主反对一切公共的或者医疗界的对自闭诊断的狂热。他好象是英国人，太太来自另一个国家，大女儿曾被诊断为自闭，孩子五岁时他们移民到了太太的国家，在那里他们碰到了一个智慧的乡村小学校的校长。校长先教他们观察他们的女儿，他们发现孩子走进房间的时候，不是和父母坐在一起，而是和父母保持距离。然后校长教母亲把孩子面对面地抱起来，他们发现孩子坐在母亲腿上的时候，用手臂在母亲和她之间形成了一个屏障。校长一针见血地指出，这是因为在孩子没有和母亲形成亲密的联系。校长在和他们谈话的时候突然把孩子抱起来，把孩子的头放在他自己的胸口，任由孩子歇斯底里地哭闹，他这么做的目的，是为了打破孩子和外界的屏障。效果非常惊人，后来父母也学着同样的拥抱方法，当然一开始很累人，孩子三个月后就开始讲话了，而且表达能力非常好。在有一次父亲要做拥抱功课的时候，她说：＂爸爸，你不该在现在才做本来我是婴儿的时候你该做的事情。＂
文章很长，我只摘了最重要的部分。前面讲很多父亲对现代医疗诊断的疑惑，后面讲了传统教育的手段（比较恐怖，我不是那么赞成）。但中间这一段精华，讲出了为什么现在有那么多所谓问题孩子的原因。
博客的连接在此：
http://autismhysteria.blogspot.c ... d-of-autism_20.html
重点摘抄：
So I quit my job, we sold everything we had, and we left the country and moved to my wife's home country.
By now my daughter was five years old. She was still almost totally non-verbal. She didn't answer her name or respond to requests. She couldn't read, write, or even hold a pencil. Most of the time she played on her own and ignored others. Eye-contact was non-existent. Thankfully she was at least toilet-trained by now.
Then we had a big stroke of luck. We heard about a small school out in the countryside that helped children with communication difficulties, so we went up there to have a look.
It was housed in a two-room shack and run by a headmaster and his wife, their son, and two assistants. The headmaster interviewed us three times and impressed upon us that his therapy wasn't conventional, and that he needed to be sure that the parents were willing to put a lot of work in to helping their child, because the parents are the only ones who can do it. He also told us that he wasn't a doctor, but he had 40 years experience of working with children.
Of course we agreed to put in the work, and I accepted the fact that he wasn't a doctor. By this time I'd had enough of doctors to last a lifetime.
And it was on the third visit that we discovered the real problem with our daughter. We were in the headmaster's office, with the headmaster, while our daughter was in the schoolhouse, taking part in a lesson for a trial. The headmaster then asked one of the assistants to bring my daughter back to the room.
He told us to watch her behavior very carefully when she came in. So we did.
My daughter came in the room, looked about, then sat on a stool a little way from us. The headmaster then pointed out something. My daughter had been away from us, her parents, for half-an-hour, but on seeing us showed no interest in being close to us. That was odd.
The headmaster then asked my wife to put our daughter on her knee. She did, and my daughter sat there calmly.
Then he asked us to sit my daughter facing my wife, and pointed out something else, a small detail that none of the "expert" pediatricians had noticed.
My daughter was sitting calmly and apparently happily.
But she had put her arms in front of her to form a barrier between herself and her mother.
The headmaster nodded. This was the problem, he told us. And this was a problem he was seeing more and more often these days.
My daughter's problem was simply that she had not bonded with her mother.
He then went on to tell us his view of child development.
In the first year of life, he told us, a baby is just an animal, and acts like an animal in having its needs met. Babies need to be picked up regularly, just like any young animal needs to be carried by its mother. This is the basis of bonding. And the way a baby is held during those first few months is crucial. Any child can be affected by mishandling in the first few weeks of life, but the effect can be much more devastating for any child with a sensitive streak.
The bond with the mother is crucial, because without it the child will have a weak (or no) ability to bond with others and will not want to explore the outside world. Then the child will often withdraw into their own world, lose the ability to communicate (because communication isn't important to a child with no bond with the mother) which results in temper tantrums and "coping mechanisms" such as wandering around aimlessly and engaging in repetitive behavior. Once this behavior pattern is set, it becomes increasingly difficult to change, and worsens over time.
The reason that so many mothers no longer know how to look aftertheir baby properly is, the headmaster believes, due to the immense changes that have taken place in society over the past two or three decades. Traditionally a new mother would learn how to look after her baby by taking advice from her own mother. But now many families live too far apart for this to happen. Mothers are left to cope on their own, and make mistakes in those crucial first few months.
Many young mothers also find it extremely stressful to cope with a new baby on their own, and this stress is communicated to the baby, which further hinders the bonding process.
There are later bonding processes too. And the child needs to go through all of them in order to develop properly. After bonding with the mother, the child needs to bond with the family before she can bond with people outside the family and society in general.
Problems can arise here, too, and these problems are also down to the extreme changes in lifestyle of the past few decades. Traditionally, children bonded with the family through working and playing together. But now families rarely work together, mainly because many domestic jobs are automated or done by others outside the family, and much playing together has been replaced by young children spending time watching videos. In short, many parents just don't spend time with their children anymore. All these things can lead to development problems for the child, some of which may not be apparent until years later.
What he said put a new perspective on my daughter's problems. But of course this was just his theory, and I didn't believe it wholesale, interesting as it was. Luckily, the headmaster was ready to show us how his theory worked in practice.
It happened like this.
A little later we went to the schoolroom, where the headmaster continued to explain about the way the school was organized and the way lessons were run. Then suddenly he leaned over, picked up my daughter and held her tightly to his chest.
She screamed the place down.
And screamed for the best part of an hour as the headmaster walked about, holding her tightly all the time, and telling us that it was essential to break down the barrier my daughter had put up between herself and the world. Until that had happened there would be no improvement.
After half an hour my daughter was hysterical, but the headmaster calmly got a wet cloth and wiped the tears from her face. Then when she'd calmed down a little he put her down, placed a chair in her hand and pushed her into a semi-circle of children having a music lesson.
My daughter sat down and looked about for a few seconds as though waking from a sleep. Then her eyes focused on the teacher. And then my daughter (and remember at this point she was making no eye contact and was almost completely non-verbal) simply began to copy the teacher's hand actions and mouth the words to the song.
Me and my wife were stunned. In fact my wife was in tears.
The headmaster turned to us and simply said: "Success."
Then he told us he would accept my daughter into the school, and gave us details of what to do.
The basic of this was hugging in order to take her back to being a baby and bond with her. (There's much more to the therapy, but it's too complicated to put it down here.)
Anyway, we followed his advice. It was tough, because my daughter struggled like a wildcat. Sometimes I had to wrestle with her for two hours before she calmed down But eventually she got to like it, and started to approach me or her mother to be picked up and hugged.
And when she was hugged, she held on tightly, just like a new born baby. And then three months later she began to talk. Just like that. And not just the odd word. But streams of fully-formed intelligible speech. And of course she used speech to communicate the irascible personality we always knew she had. The best moment came when, during one of the hugging sessions, she tried to escape and said: "Daddy, you shouldn't be doing things now that you should have done when I was a baby!"
Wow!
From then on her development just rocketed. With other elements of the therapy she became faster at responding to requests until she was moving so fast the words were hardly out of my mouth before she'd done it. She became competitive with her sister, learned to help about the house, and play imaginative games with her sister. She was now as far away from being autistic as it is possible to get. |
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发表于 2012-12-25 06:52
