临终前，让你我最后悔的五件事（中英文对照版）

寻找中医

临终前，让你我最后悔的五件事（中英文对照版）

　　最近有一篇文章在Facebook、twitter上频频被转，名叫“Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed”。它的原文是一名叫Bronnie Ware的护士写的。Bronnie Ware专门照顾那些临终病人，所以有机会听到很多人临终前说出他们一生裡最后悔的事。她作了一个概括，有5件事是大多数人最后悔的。
　　
　　很好奇为什麽这麽多人转载它，也许，因为这是一种你永远无法提前经历的事吧。你不会时常面对别人的死亡，你更不怎麽时常有机会听到一个临终前的人告诉你他最后悔的事是什麽。而即便你听到，你又会觉得自己来日方长。我们似乎永远无法感同身受；也许，只有我们自己的生命到了尽头时，我们才会意识到自己究竟错过了什麽，最后悔什麽。
　　　　
　　Top Five Regrets- By Bronnie Ware
　　
　　
　　For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
　　People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
　　When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
　　
　　1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
　　This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
　　
　　
　　我希望當初我有勇氣過自己真正想要的生活，而不是別人希望我過的生活。
　　這是所有後悔的事中最常 到的。
　　心理學上有個理論，較之那些我們做過的事，人們後悔的往往是那些沒做的事。所以當人們在生命盡頭往回看時，往往會發現有好多夢想應該實現，卻沒有實現。你的生活方式、你的工作、你的感情、你的伴侶，其實我們多少人過著的是別人希望你過的生活，而不是自己真正想要的生活——又可能，一直以來你把別人希望你過的生活當作是你想要的生活。
　　當你疾病纏身時，才發現其實自己應該而且可以放下很多顧慮追求你要的生活，似乎已經晚了一點。
　　
　　
　　2. I wish I didn't work so hard
　　This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
　　
　　
　　我希望當初我沒有花這麼多精力在工作上。
　　Ware說這是她照顧過的每一個男病人會說的話。因為工作，他們錯過了關注孩子成長的樂趣，錯過了愛人溫暖的陪伴，這是他們最深的後悔與愧疚。其實對於現在的職業女性來說，這也將成為一個問題。
　　如果把你的生活變簡單些，你也許會發現自己在做很多你以為你需要做其實不需要你做的事。騰出那些事佔的空間，可能你會過得開心一點。
　　
　　
　　
　　3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
　　Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
　　We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
　　
　　
　　我希望當初我能有勇氣表達我的感受。
　　太多的人壓抑自己的感受與想法，只是為了「天下太平」，不與別人產生矛盾。漸漸他們就成了中庸之輩，無法成為他們可以成為的自己。其實，有很多疾病與長期壓抑憤怒與消極情緒有關。
　　也許當你直言不諱，你會得罪某些人。但可能從此以後因為你的中肯，你們不打不相識；又或者翻臉，正好讓你擺脫這種需要你壓抑自己感受才能維持的累人關係。不管哪一種結果，你都是贏家，不是嗎？——不過當然，直言不諱還是有底線的。
　　
　　
　　4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
　　Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
　　
　　
　　我希望當初我能和朋友保持聯繫。
　　老朋友的好，我們總要到自己有事了的時候才會想到。
　　多少人因為自己忙碌的生活忽略了朋友忽略了曾經閃亮的友情。很多人臨終前終於放下錢、放下權，卻放不下心中的情感與 繏臁Ｅ笥岩埠茫瑦廴艘擦T，其實生命最後的日子裡，他們才是我們最深的惦念。
　　
　　
　　5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
　　This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
　　When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
　　
　　我希望當初我能讓自己活過開心點。
　　也許有點出乎意料，但這一條也在前5之中。很多人直到生命的最後才發現，快樂是選擇。他們在自己既定習慣和生活方式中太久了，習慣了掩飾，習慣了偽裝，習慣了在人前堆起笑臉。他們以為是生活讓他們不快樂，其實是他們自己讓自己不快樂了。是只有臨終的時候才會發現，別人怎麼看你又有什麼關係呢，傻也好，怪也罷，能有真心的笑，比什麼都值得。
　　
　　****************
　　
　　Life is a choice.生活是一种选择
　　
　　It is YOUR life. 这是你的人生
　　
　　Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. 慎重地选择、明智地选择、诚实地选择
　　
　　Choose happiness. 选择快乐！

有闲人

放弃对外在的执着、真实做自己、追寻快乐，这基本上可以概括上面文中的五条。其实其中最核心的就是真实做自己，忠实于自己心的感受。所谓人生就是不断的在作出选择，有得必然有失，所以完全忠实于自己的感受也有可能导致一个挥霍人生，片面追求无根基的快乐的结局，就像西方六十年代的嬉皮士文化一样。在生命最后的时光尚未来临之时，我们应该怎样尝试做出改变，力求不要留下遗憾呢？我想，还是要努力修一个洞彻世事的智慧，拥有智慧就是最高形式的快乐。说来说去，还是要归结到佛法，因为佛法才是最高的智慧。

只管耕耘

一个人要是每天都活的如同临终前一样深刻，此生恐怕绝不会白活。

“朝闻道，夕死可矣”，这是中华文化给出的答案，超越生死的智慧。

寻找中医

所以完全忠实于自己的感受也有可能导致一个挥霍人生，片面追求无根基的快乐的结局，就像西方六十年代的嬉皮士文化一样。有闲人 发表于 2011-9-17 14:54

    你确定它是这样吗？
你真实一下试试看，
什么是真实？放纵是真实吗？

有闲人

回复 4# 寻找中医


    说的有道理，真实的自己还就是那个藏在自身里面的佛性，但是需要智慧才能真正的看到。我没有真实过，我不敢太真实，我在意的太多了。不过我的意思是不要太追求感觉，就像西方人挣脱了很多约束，为了追求爱，一次一次的离婚再婚，好像每一次他都抓住爱了，可是每一次爱又逃走了，太忠实于感觉就会导致这个结果。

寻找中医

回复  寻找中医


    说的有道理，真实的自己还就是那个藏在自身里面的佛性，但是需要智慧才能真正的看到。我没有真实过，我不敢太真实，我在意的太多了。不过我的意思是不要太追求感觉，就像西方人挣脱了很多约束，为了追求爱，一次一次的离婚再婚，好像每一次他都抓住爱了，可是每一次爱又逃走了，太忠实于感觉就会导致这个结果。有闲人 发表于 2011-9-20 12:28

真的是这样吗？

有闲人

回复 6# 寻找中医


    怎么感觉您像苏格拉底似的？

寻找中医

回复  寻找中医


    怎么感觉您像苏格拉底似的？
有闲人 发表于 2011-9-20 17:42

小孩子比较真实，你看看小孩子有没有你说的那种状况？
你说的那种状况到底是怎么回事呢？

大概也许加推测，那个得不出来什么结论。

aliliya

回复  寻找中医


    怎么感觉您像苏格拉底似的？
有闲人 发表于 2011-9-20 17:42

哈，你觉得像苏格拉底，我觉得像拜伦凯蒂（我偶像）

“真的是这样吗？”是拜伦凯蒂功课中的第一问，is it true？

有闲人

回复 9# aliliya


    哦，原来如此。没学习过拜伦凯蒂，惭愧啊。

有闲人

回复 8# 寻找中医


    说的有道理。也许是我生活在假象中太久了，也做过一些自以为是的思考，以为世界就是我想象中的样子了。像我钦佩的一位老师说的，自性中本来具足。回到真实，就是回到最好的自己。但是我想，大多数人还是像我这样的人，被自己和其他人的观念误导了一辈子，临终之言也未必即是真言。即使把他从死亡边缘拉回来，给他重新来一次，他还会重蹈覆辙。